she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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