hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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