I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
