Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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