Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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