I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize