I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
youre lurking in front of me
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
