when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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