nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
