there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Randomize
