I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
