That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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