I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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