i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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