Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
