she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
