i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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