The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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