Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
