People in love make me want to vomit
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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