i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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