No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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