she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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