so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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