if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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