i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
