I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
