they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Randomize
