Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Your dad touched me again.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
