You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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