I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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