Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
