i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
