wanna go halves on a baby?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
