you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
