just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
