so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Boobs speak an international language.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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