So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
