I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
How external is "for external use only"?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
