why didn't you poke me back
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Randomize
