I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
