Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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