Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
