Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
