Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
