So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
