Porn is love you can see.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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