Apparently you make a good broom.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
