Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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