would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
