i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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