im six kinds of drunk right now
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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