So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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