You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
