Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
