why didn't you poke me back
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Randomize
