This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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