Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
