Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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