I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
