Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Randomize
