Can Purell be used as lube?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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