I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
