He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
