hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
