She is in my trunk
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
