Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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