i don't like sucking hair
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Text me some of your sweat
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