yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
