no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
