His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I smell like Dick and happiness
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
