Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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