All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
