I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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