We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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