Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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